@RichieBenaud_: Not even Ranatunga is as slow as the over rates yesterday. #Ashes
@Dan_Eurosport: Trending on commentary: “These are perfect conditions for batting…” The 2,876th use of this line has already been recorded this morning.
@RossoCricket: Thoroughly expecting that in time for the next Ashes series Mitchell Starc will be the Prime Minister and Kevin Rudd the Australian coach.
@nliebke: At this rate, England will avoid the follow on by tea… Of day nine of this test. #Ashes
@sportmonkeyx: Cook still needs one too but for now he is consigned to playing Angry Birds and clapping when Ian Bell does his job for him. #Ashes
@dpcoverdale: Australia – 6 successful reviews from 27. England – 6 successful reviews from 24.
@LiebCricket: I now theorise that Starc is selected primarily because his surname rhymes with his captain’s, a ploy that never quite worked for Stuart Law
@ShortFirstSlip: @TestMatchSofa The idea that veganism could catch on in Australians is more laughable than thinking Cook might use four slips. Ever. #Ashes
@17thManDiary: Managed to appear on @TestMatchSofa without being discovered! Great fun, and a great use of the free wifi in the dressing room!
@AresMarsFlack: Finally, we have some cricket befitting Nasser Hussain’s commentary #Boring #Ashes
@tomdaviesE17: Middle tier of Vauxhall End stand completely empty – good work corporates #agreeablelunch #ashes
@legsidelizzy: The “one word to sum up this Test” offerings from followers: Pedestrian,slow,pointless,turgid,dreary,boring,testicular,flat
@17thManDiary: @legsidelizzy Dull, dour, tawdry, tepid, tone less, tick rock. I’d rather watch reruns of Christopher Plummer singing Edelweiss
@GraceCricket: KP has faced 8 balls without dashing a frantic single. As I’ve said before this match has everything…
@MarkPattersonBR : I’m listening to the commentary on Sky Sports, I’ve genuinely no idea if there’s still a cricket match happening.
@warwicktodd_not: Tugga isn’t content with his cricketing records, he’s now going to attempt a world record of book signings
@LiebCricket : Twatto is like a panther in the field. An arthritic panther that was born a hippo. #Ashes
@legsidelizzy: So. Let’s talk about something else. “xx defends into the off side for no run” repeat.
@warwicktodd_not: Umpires chat “Did you bring the guide dog? No. I thought you did. Oh shit we left it in the car.”
@legsidelizzy: The crowd just to my left are sledging “any danger of three an over?”
@rdhinds: Steve Smith bowling a maiden to Pietersen. That’s enough for me. I’ve seen it all. #Ashes
@AltCricket: Hilarious from Aleem Dar. Shrugs his shoulders and guesses “Eh, what the hell?” #Ashes
@NHoultCricket: KP v Clarke. Battle of the metrosexuals.
@17thmanndiary: KP telling Clarke no-one likes him? Pot calling the kettle black, surely.
@tickerscricket: “Your hair product is inferior to my hair product. Inferior, I say.” “Your tattoos are mediocre at best.”
@Cricketer_Dan: Just found a solitary red rubber glove in a toilet cubicle at The Oval. Some people will do anything to enliven a drab day at the cricket.
@TheCricketGeek: I have had a day at the cricket with almost no access to Twitter. It has been a revelation.
@tickerscricket: @TheCricketGeek Everyone’s going absolutely mental.
@ZaltzCricket: Unremitting cricketing drudgery at the Oval. Nothing for the bowlers, nothing for the batsmen, less than nothing for the spectators.
@tickerscricket: A lot of people are going to be massively changing their tune about bad light quite soon.
@bradfordpitt: £65 a ticket – that’s about a pound a run #ashes #boredasfuck
@ZaltzCricket: KP out for 50 off 133. Woakes plays a dreamy cover drive for 4 off his first ball. On course for a 25-ball 100. Lets next ball go. Boring.
@legsidelizzy: There was a point earlier I stuck a biro in my thigh just to check I was still alive.
@thervd: the last dying embers of my youth disappeared during this Test match.
@pavilionopinion: Feel sorry for Faulkner debuting on this pitch. It’s like losing your virginity to a rohypnoled corpse.
@FredBoycott: A proper day’s cricket at last. Over 90 overs, run rate of about 2 an over. Trying to eliminate all shots at both ends. Cricket at it’s best
@AltCricket: Five maidens in a row for England before a single. Bad light, where are you when we need you?
@Aggerscricket: We are lucky these days that we don’t have days like this very often
@brucemillington: Good luck to anyone in the Oval press box who is obliged to file more than 27 words on that turgid tripe.
@pavilionopinion: Boycott having a pop at England’s scoring rate. In other news, Syria has just told Egypt to sort itself out.
COMING SOON – From Ashes to Ashes – The Agony and the Ecstacy of the 2013 Ashes Series. OUT EARLY SEPTEMBER. Sign up here to find out when!
OUT NOW – The Ashes Files 2013. The secret applications file that Cricket Australia assembled when they threw applications open to all comers. Ebook available at amazon now.
© 2013 Dave Cornford, Jeremy Pooley & Jock Macneish