Saturday, January 18, 2020
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Best of Twitter – Second Test – Day 4

The Prof and I asked The Freak  and Tatts to help us compile yesterdays smorgasbord of testing twitter tweets from Day 4.  Naturally Tatts focused on himself (excluding the mo jokes..he still thinks its the night before Movember). The Freak is obsessed by his nippled stallion, the firebrand KP, collecting over 200 funny tweets. The Prof and I had to reduce this lot in the sauna and liven it up with psychotic tweets from the mother country.

@MFoxx2: Ian Bell’s normally a very dull man. In last night’s interviews he was clearly furious. He’s probably waterboarding Cook as we speak
@TheCricketGeek: Disappointed that Clarke didn’t just forfeit the Australian second innings. #LoseToWin
@sportsmonkeyx: Hours of nail biting and inevitable bitter falling short with a pinch of drama, comedy & a few references to a drop in pitch. Ready?

@RichieBenaud1: England could be allowed 4 innings and they wouldn’t chase this total
@17thmandiary: With 4.5 sessions of rain due, a draw has the same likelihood as meeting the Adams family
@RJLawson212: Nick Compton hasn’t tweeted for nine hours, must be on the plane to Oz, joining Bumble, Athers, Nasser in the next Test!

@stefandz: Sadly, Mr Cook has just ripped out the last of my heart strings
@Realdealfinance: I’m convinced the skipper of the costa Concordia is a better captain
@piersmorgan: Would have been easier if Captain Cook had just waved a white flag of surrender from the balcony. Pitiful performance

@GregBaum:  England has fallen behind the required run rate
@FishmanDan: Dear England …. please hold out for a session or two. I’m at a kids birthday party and don’t want to miss out on your humiliation

@Cowcornered: Why do Australians like wearing junk food containers on their heads so much?
@LittlePiglet72:  Good question, Cow. I think because hanky hats haven’t quite made it big out here yet. Also, the grease is good hair treatment!
@Cowcornered: I am going to assume Australians wear junk food containers to show that they have finished a large amount of chicken. Like a fried food brag

@ShootersXI: “You could put a seam on a tomato and Mitchell Johnson would still get 5-four” – Kerry O’Keefe
@WendyPigeon: Where’s the crowd at Adelaide? Church? They should be lighting candles at the statue of St Mitchell – Patron Saint of the Sprayers
@TheCricketGeek: Just think how far Mitchell Johnson has come from losing in the final of that ping pong competition to George Bailey. Amazing fightback

@nickripp: We knew it was a drop-in pitch but didn’t know England would field a drop-in team #Ashes
@DoctorFiveball: Maybe the Poms should give Neville Chamberlain a bat?
@WendyPigeon: Don’t want a summer series of five tests against the poms again. We wouldn’t have five against Bangladesh or NZ. #5-0
@PommieBasher: The Barmy Army singing now reminds me of that band that played as the Titanic went down
@TheSwarmyArmy: Just another bog-standard day of shit cricket on display in this god-forsaken hell-hole. #ashes #barmyarmy #stayup

@statsdan: Nathan Lyon has a head which is remarkably similar in shape to a marker on Google Maps

@Corpse_in_pads: Carberry reveals how he first tested his helmet out on an Australian platypus
@forwardshortleg: Carberry does a Cook. #ShitShot #Ashes

@tickerscricket: When KP gets caught midwicket again I think Twitter might actually pop
@Corpse_in_pads: KP adjusts his box to remind people he’s not just a batting machine but a sex machine.
@ajarrodkimber: Unless there is a genetic mutation that has 10 slow left arm orthodox bowlers into one, no one works KP over better than Siddle.
@pavilionopinion: STAT: Peter Siddle has now got Pietersen out more often than hubris
@Liebcricket: Peter ‘Bananas’ Siddle bananas a banana ball into KB’s stump, bananaing him for a well-bananaed fifty-banana
@Freedmandennis: What a waste of two great nipples

@Corpse_in_pads: Heals. All the fast men are all over the ground doing stretches. It’s like Jane Fonda’s exercise Video. (starts singing ONJ’s Physical!)
@UmpireM: What do you call a South African & a Kiwi with tribal Maori tattoos? The English middle order
@rdhinds: Dress up day at the Adelaide Oval. England have come dressed as batsmen
@AllOutCricket: My word, bloodlust levels are through the roof. Sack him! String them up! Kill the lot! Some folks have memories like monarch butterflies
@DarrenSmithLFC: Imagine staying up all night to watch people who went to private school hit a shit ball with a shit bat for 8 shit hours

@17thmandiary: Unless Root gets out for 66, it doesn’t really count

@Corpse_in_pads: Tubby: Keep the knees together George or you’ll end up in a gay marriage having babies you didn’t want!
@Corpse_in_pads: Prior pats Broad on the bum and says “We can comfort each other tonight if we lose.”

@SoVeryBritish: The overwhelming regret that you didn’t buy bacon yesterday when you had the chance
@sean90: @TheCricketerMag: Let’s have them then please-your best three-word verdicts of 4th day at Adelaide

Don’t come home”

Freddie

(photo acknowledged as ripped from @freedmandennis a care worn English supporter)

Read the 17th Man’s diary enntry from Day 4 here

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