Wednesday, January 22, 2020
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Best of Twitter – Third Test – Day 3

Puff and Hollywood volunteered to sift through the twitter gravestones of the country graveyard in which the English fans and their heros of the summer lay buried. They did their job clinically in repect  – for where they were a few months ago is England now. Ashes to Ashes, dust to dust. It takes only three devastating victories to erase the long night of defeat.

The Prof suggested I insert the poem RISE to rub it in. He said fickleness is Cricket’s sin. [Ed. But personification is definitely yours!] I much prefer a stanza from Grey to sum up the tone of the few twitterers left in this series:

“The next with dirges due in sad array
Slow thro’ the church-way path we saw him borne.
Approach and read (for thou canst read) the lay,
Grav’d on the stone beneath yon aged thorn.”
(Elegy to a country Churchyard, 1750)

@Ridz_1984: I could take getting beaten comfortably by the convicts when we were shit in the 90s. Harder to take when it’s spineless insipid rubbish
@warwcktodd_not: Mo o’doom collects Broad with a searing yorker, the collapse continues

@TheCricketGeek: Watson with the new ball. Clarke now taking the piss
@TheCricketGeek: It is official, this is more depressing than 2006/7. At least back then it was a team of legends that were hammering England
@Corpse_in_Pads: James Brayshaw – auditioning for the host of Play School – continues to appeal to kids under 3 with his commentary

@MichaelVaughan: This will be the 15th consecutive innings that England haven’t passed 400 against this Aussie team… Of which 5 have been under 250????
@TheCricketGeek: With each passing day of this series my mood and Dave Warner’s moustache are darkening at the same rate
@FreedmanDennis: I think the turning point of this series was when England got off the plane in Brisbane

@tickerscricket: Clarke now cheerfully tossing away reviews when even BRAD BLOODY HADDIN doesn’t think it’s out. Taking. The. Piss
@Corpse_in_Pads: Bresnan – for a man with half a mind – smiles at the comm box as they say he was caught in two minds
@MKPS001: If England were your favourite pet, you would have had them euthanised to put them out of their misery by now

@TitusOReilly: Stuart Broad’s scans have revealed numerous flaws and general weakness. His foot scan was inconclusive
@kaprashoo: if david warner had half decent representation he would be sat on the balcony pretending to read hermann hesse. let me rebrand you dave
@webblette38: Ballance subs for Swann in the field, Bairstow on for Broad.. Four Yorkies on at once. Can’t be bad. And one of them bowling!
@GeorgeDobell: Bowling James Anderson in this situation is like using a Jaguar to transport scaffolding…
@MikeColman: X-Ray results back. Dr reckons Broad could walk but he won’t
@AresMarsFlack: Broad’s worst fears have been allayed, x-rays reveal his injured toe is his big one, not his camel one

@northridgejames: Warner, Haddin and Clarke have scored more runs in series than the England team combined. There’s a jolly stat
@ianashworth: Australia haven’t let England is this series at all, but England haven’t shown any inclination to get into it themselves

@tickerscricket: Don’t see the problem with Warner going up to Prior to celebrate. Why wouldn’t he want to celebrate with the man who made it possible?

@adamhollioake: England have just rolled over on to their backs & are letting the Aussies rub their belly’s
@ThirdLegFineMan: Is our ‘dropped catch’ count bigger than our runs count this series? Can’t be much of a difference
@AreMarsFlack: Doctors order Cook to stop bowling Stokes: The day is declared medically dangerous for Gingers
@MichaelVaughan: After day 3 at the Gabba England were 537 behind… Day 3 at Adelaide 530 behind… Only going to be 370 ish here…

@51AllOut: Not really sure what Australia have been doing for the past hour or so. Other than taking the absolute piss of course

@HarryShort12: This is the last time I ever take a gap year and work to save up to go to Australia, on Christmas Day, to watch this rubbish England team
@thommo81: If Root goes over the wicket he might hit the umpire in the back of the head with that bowling action

@JournoSpursEmma: Waited my whole life to go to the MCG. And now I’m going when the match will prob mean fuck all. England I may never forgive you
@AresMarFlack: Cook to Gooch: Okay, be honest: yes or no, will we get knighthoods from this #Ashes series?
@kiwi_kali: Nice ball, Ben Stokes. Another 40-odd deliveries like that, and England might still have been in the series
@legsidelizzy: Clarke is becoming Stokes’s bunny
@AresMarsFlack: Stokes bowls Clarke – Pup distracted by the fact Rangas don’t have shadows

@ThirdFineLegMan: best thing I’ve seen on the screen all day: Overs Left Today 1. Thank God
@FredBoycott: There are a lot of positives that England can take out of today’s performance
@jwrightgiant: I could see 3. Lunch, Tea and Stumps

@aresMarsFlack: The English normally have to attend one of their posh public schools to get rogered like this

The hagiography has begun already. Bringing Dave Warner’s eye back into the spotlight!

@AresMarsFlack: Slats has already picked out the throw cushions for the Bondi flat he dreams of sharing with Warner
@TheCricket Geek: I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, heaven knows I’m miserable now…


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