Saturday, December 7, 2019
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Best of Twitter – Third Test – Day 4

The Natural and The Freak agreed to curate the bet of twitter from Day 4, just for a laugh. They manhandled me from the pool later in the afternoon – I was bathing on The Prof’s lilo and they hit me from underneath like a great white – to get me to transcribe their introduction [Ed. It was nothing personal. We like the 17th. It is just that we want to preserve our sharpies for our fans and parody accounts]

I was pretty miffed but have done my best with a weakening wave of homourous asides from the tweet factory. Corpse_in_pads would love this allusion to a post-coital downdraft, but the fact is that England supporters are checking out and hiding under the bed with the dog, hoping to wake up, to wander down to breakfast and for Chef to say “don’t worry. It was only a bad dream.” Australian supporters are fair weather gulls. When it is there to play for we all get behind the mountain and shift it. When the mountain has crumbled, its back to sailing in summer’s waters, and hitting the beach with our mates towing a couple of tinnies and melting icecreams for the kids.

@Corpse_in_Pads: Broad – being as brave as a young girl looking at tampons in a Chemist before she reaches puberty – is preparing to look at the nets.
@LyricalSmokey: KP has complained to the ICC & wants @Corpse_in_Pads stood down from test matches due to the angle of Bills thumbs when tweeting advice
@FakeShaneWatson: The run-out gods caught up with me today
@FakeShaneWatson: Looking forward to demonstrating my skills as a #deadrubberspecialist in the next tests

@plough_pub: We’d like to inform you that we’ve just fired our head chef
@CricCrazyNIKS: A Cook, the only English opening left handed batsman captain to get out on a golden duck against Australia!

@Corpse_in_Pads: Joe Root looks down at the pitch and uses the cracks to motivate himself: “Never get married. Play cricket and focus!”

@17thmandiary: 45 is an innings that ends like toilet paper when you need it most. Score 100 first like Watto, then get out
@Corpse_in_Pads: KP – toying with the Australian attack like a divorced man alone with his penis – decides it’s time he saved England from its degenerates.
@GregBaum: England should give KP 1000 lashes. And get Ben Stokes to do it. He hits ’em pretty damn well
@logiemuir: I could dislike Kevin Pieterson if he was actually a pom
@Corpse_in_Pads: KP – sick of playing cricket for a living – contemplates how to get out and make his dismissal go viral on YouTube

@PaddyBrigs: Gutsy stuff form Belly and Stokes emphasises just how woeful some previous dismissals were
@Crickwizz: Bell-Stokes add 99. Between 55 English wickets yet, there has been but one century partnership; Root-KP at Adelaide
@Nikhiltait: Hundreds for England this Ashes – Swann 2/135, Swann 2/151, Panesar 1/157, Broad 3/100, Anderson 0/105

@djc8008: Ben Stokes. Right hand dominant ‘left hand’ batsman master race
@FreedmanDennis: This Stokes innings is the best seen by a Kiwi at Perth since Martin Crowe in 87/88
@AresMarsFlack:  Stokes batting with all the nihilism of a Red Head who knows Gingers don’t go to heaven

@AresMarsFlack:  With the #Ashes taking the A Current Affair timeslot, I’m grateful for the English giving us Ellen Degeneres
@51allout: England have gloriously, triumphantly taken the Test to its final day. And are almost half way to the target. Back slaps all round
@Dem_tilly: So, last night my cat wore a hoody and listened to Gangster’s Paradise. It’s was weird and awesome
@pavilionopinion: At least having to wake up to a horrific Australian nightmare every morning has given me a newfound respect for Liz Hurley.
@mrmarksteel: I think England’s best strategy now is to claim they’ve played like this on purpose, as part of a Far-East betting scam
@awakeningaimee: If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide
@GeorgeDobell1: All the questions and tweets… please could you send them as #politeenquiries ? To me or @ajarrodkimber Or both.
@FreedmanDennis: @GeorgeDobell1: England are shit

@cricket_blooded: If Prior and Stokes get Daddy hundreds tomorrow, England can win this. Hey I’m saying this only because its cricket and shit happens too! 😛
@CricketMirror: I’m tweeting it first. Stuart Broad to hobble out and hit the winning runs tomorrow

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