Tuesday, September 24, 2019
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Best of Twitter – Day 2 – Fifth Test

There wasn’t enough time between the collapsing English wickets, the fight backs from Stokes and Broad, 200 Fake Richie’s paying homage to their stricken master and an ex-PM thinking he had re-won the Australia’s Cup to curate tweets from Day 2.  But we tried, as Australia’s top order wobbled badly AGAIN, apart from the inning’s of a 36 year old who at stumps is 73 not out (including his 7).  This was enough to put the game into a third day. The caterers union wants at least a fourth day finish or they will picket the airport to prevent England’s beaten XI from leaving our shores. They may as well be on a desert island or in Alice Springs.

@LiebCricket: Too early for a lunchwatchman?
@tickerscricket: Clear evidence here that Ian Bell shouldn’t be batting at four
@legsidelizzy: Oh Alastair. Oh Alastair. Oh Alastair

[Ed. Alastair wet his bed again. Andy will have to double his anti-aggression pills and ban the Big Bash game before sleep]

@legsidelizzy: I have all sorts of feelings for Ryan Harris

[Ed. Don’t know why they included the last one? Sexual and naughty is the correct answer. Way too much cricket in sex and sex in cricket.]

@FreedmanDennis: Anderson needs to take responsibility for exposing the tail so early
@DHughesy: Watto looking after Harris. Bowling a hattrick ball would be stressful
@piersmorgan: Right @KP24 – I’ve had enough of this garbage. Smack @MitchJohnson398 until his moustache falls off

@tickerscricket: Just did a count of the Benauds there. I made it 222
@Corpse_in_Pads: January 4 should be National Richie Day where we don’t care about the rest of the world just sport and beer

@mrmarksteel: Watching England in the Ashes is like saying ‘ah it’s half past eleven, time for my nightly waterboarding’
@AltCricket: Like watching a flock of baby wildebeest being devoured by a pride of hungry lions. Steve Smith is the friendly warthog, obviously
@thefulltoss: Joe Root’s slow 20s now look pretty good!
@HashTagCricket: England trail @stevesmith49 by 92 runs
@FreedmanDennis: “Stroke of the morning,” declares Mark Nicholas. It’s just an elderly English fan in the Ladies Stand. Someone call 000

@AresMarsFlack: Well done Ballance – at least one of these Pommy batsmen is using his head
@CharlesRammsey: Ballance is like Zimbabwean currency. Might look a million dollars at first glance, but on further inspection is worthless #Ashes
@JustJimWillDo: Home just in time for the drinks break. I won’t have missed much, will I? Holly weeping wickets, Batman!

@ZaltzCricket: STAT ALERT: This is the first time ever in Tests that all of England’s top 5 have been out for 7 or fewer. #pleasemakeitstop

[Ed. We can’t make it stop. We didn’t start it]

@HarpinonAndo: At what point is this called GBH? Where has this speed come from. Been looking at last 4 years stats on Johnson
@17thManDiary: Bats in the Bell-fry
@talkcric: Anyone seen Punxsutawney Phil?
@HarpinonAndo: Yes.he said 4 more weeks of Winter
@FreedmanDennis: Why is the square leg umpire walking in with the bowler?

@AresMarsFlack: The whole English team raises their bats on reaching 50
@rob_zooter: Anderson sat with his head in his hands.’To think I was offered a broken arm in the 1st Test and turned it down’

@FreedmanDennis: That’s the toughest grill I’ve seen since eating at the Outback Steakhouse
@TheCricketGeek: If Ballance can milk this for another 3 days and 2 sessions England can salvage a draw here
@JustJimWillDo: Lunch. Ballance’s will be a bowl of aspirin. Eng 5/61, trailing by 265
@LiebCricket: A shiny second digit for Ben Stokes to put on his score! #Ashes
@TestMatchSofa: England are 61/5 at lunch by the way. They made it to lunch, that’s the headline

@17thManDiary: Chef in front of the air con using Google play to pick his top eleven: Cook Warner Watson Clarke Smith Stokes Hadds Mitch Harris Siddle Lyon
@tickerscricket: No reviews left for Australia. Chance for an England batsman to earn a lifetime of being booed and called a wanker
@LiebCricket: @tickerscricket: We are the land of opportunity

@tickerscricket: I’m excited for the 22-year-old all-rounder and the 24-year-old batsman who owns wicketkeeping gloves here
@17thManDiary: The crowd welcomed Broad like a Christian to the Coliseum

@norton_scott: @kokeeffe49 Will miss this schtick! O’Keeffe: My Commentary wouldn’t work on TV Agnew: It doesn’t work on radio

@MattiusBackius: ENGLAND HAVE DONE IT!! They’ve avoided the follow-on. Knighthoods for all
@Bloody_Hopeless: Gooch gets told in no uncertain terms that he’s a #BloodyHopeless Batting Coach

@legsidelizzy: And now to find yet another way of saying the same thing. *reaches for thesaurus. searches for synonyms for crap*
@Jontyponder: Haven’t seen and England performance like this since they tried to defend Singapore
@Corpse_in_Pads: England in absolute tatters. They’re in worse shape than Tony Abbott’s budgie smugglers would be if he was attacked by a pack of dobermans.

@gradecricketer: Just seen some bloke get engaged at the Tea interval at the SCG. Prefer to be digesting a Tim Tam and a slice of watermelon at tea
@53pamela: How much more effing stupid is Ch 9 becoming Those done to death public marriage proposals are so nauseating
@Corpse_in_Pads: What a shame they overturned the gay marriage laws. Heals could have proposed to Slats

@thetipsguru: Did Rankin win a competition to play for England in this test #ashes

@Corpse_in_Pads: Shane Warne’s commentary is great. Watto gets out really CALMLY. There’ s a CALMNESS in that dismissal

@MattiusBackius: In the time it’s going to take to replace the turf, you could show every dismissal in the series..
@Corpse_in_Pads: Broad invents ‘another’ way to waste time. You could never accuse of him of not being creative
@NeilHarveyRants: In My Day Miller once fell into a bowlers bowling foot mark so deep he went “missing” for 2 months. #bloodyhopeless

@FreedmanDennis: Rogers hits 7 in one ball. England’s top 6 are quietly jealous
@statman81: Bailey can take one positive out of the ashes – he got to watch Australia play for free

@TweetDickieBird: The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having any brains is good news for the England ashes squad…..
@tomderivan73: We have jibbering wrecks who only know how to walk to and from the wicket.  And eat cous-cous

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