What a train wreck this tour is. The pointless exercise of winning the ODIs and regaining No 1 spot in ODI Rankings seems a million miles away, buried under the sand of the desert as a transient trinket in the memory.
On the first day of the first test, we bound the Pakistan team up so tight they couldn’t score any runs. I know the spectators didn’t like it [Ed. Spectators, What spectators?], but it was tough.
How far have we progressed? Today, the bowlers conceded the equal fastest Test Century to a player even older than UnLucky Rogers. Sure, the two of them can talk about 80s music together, but just what is going on? The bowlers have taken 9 wickets in this match at an average of 95.8. I know The Natural is missing from the attack that tore England and South Africa to shreds within the last 12 months, but that just doesn’t explain it.
The Prof is watching over my shoulder as I type this, and interrupted me to ask what exactly I’d done to contribute. I could have been home enhancing my national selection prospects by knocking up some runs for NSW in the BBQ Cup. [Ed Or trashing your reputation by getting knocked over by some young guns from some other state and winding up on the scrap heap.] Instead, I’m here, supporting the team, doing the Tests in Tweets [Ed. Where are they, by the way?] and recording the behind the scenes action for posterity.
The question on everyone lips is can Trapper, Junior Junior Marsh and Wicky bat all day tomorrow and save the test? There’s clearly no way we can win. It hardly seems worth the effort, given the series will be lost anyway, but I guess the fans deserve our best, [Ed As do our contracts.]
Dad was on the skype again just now, pressing me hard on why I wasn’t selected to bat at 3 in this Test. It’s hard to get the message through to him that really, it’s up to the Selectors and they make their decisions based on form, the pitch, team balance, the tea leaves, how bad their gout is, what gets said on Twitter, how the team announcement will fit into the 24 hour news cycle and what the Cricket Australia pet salamander has to say.
“So, you’ve put a pet salamander off side as well?” he said, starting to raise his voice into rant mode like he used to do whenever I got out for 20 as a promising teenager in the lower grades. I closed off the network connection to make him think I’d dropped out, and decided not to redial for the time being.
The bats will not sleep well tonight – let’s hope they can make it past tea into the last session of the match t0morrow – after all, the catering here is quiet good.
Australia 261 and 4/143 need 460 more runs to beat Pakistan 6/570 dev and 3/293 dec
This work of fiction © Dave Cornford & Jeremy Pooley