Monday, April 6, 2020
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PAKVAUS – Second Test in Tweets

This test had everything. Younis [Ed. Did I say YOUNIS?] and some bloke over 40 called Misbah who belted part of the ‘best bowling team in the world’ for the equal fastest test century ever (56 balls) and also scored a century in the first innings. It also had a junior Pakistani bowling unit who managed to skittle Australia twice, comfortably, in little more than four sessions. Test cricket is played over 15 sessions. This is no mean feat. It just shows what happens when the 6th rated test team, who cannot play on their home grounds for fear of terrorist attack, dominate every facet of the game so completely that winning is unavoidable. This is a different type of terror.

The 17th man has tried to capture the essence of each day on twitter as it unfolded to reproduce the emotional highs and lows (from an increasingly disconsolate Australian fan club) of this test match.

Did I mention the tumbling records? No. I will. RECORDS. Not the vinyl kind, but long standing cricket records. So many records were broken this test borders on record abuse.

Australia lost a single wicket in the pre-lunch session on Day 5. There was the slightest murmur of a revival. But within 29 minutes after lunch on Day 5 Australia lost 5 for 8 in a stunning collapse. Their stomach was clearly not in it. The torment was over. Cricket at its unpredictable best. As good as the South Africa tour in March-April (Australia won that. Remember?) Enjoy!

Day 1

@TheCricketGeek: I wake up to find out that Australia are playing Glenn Maxwell at no3. Might go back to sleep to see if the world makes more sense later
@mj_slats: Looks like a bad toss for Clarkey to lose in Abu Dhabi! It’s FLAT!!!!! Big runs for someone!
@17thManDiary: Lost the toss again. The coin must be fixed. I’m calling FAIRPLAY 1400
@brydoncoverdale: Revealing line from Lehmann on Doolan axing: need to pick a side that will be “proactive in our scoring”
@Iamzuhaib7: Johnson teasing Younus Khan with his tongue. @17thmandiary: Younis teasing Johnson with his bat
@aqeel_raja92: NASA have been called in to calculate Younis Khan’s average this series. It crashed their computers
@Baloch4Sports: 2nd Test. 53.1: N Lyon to Younis Khan, 4 runs, 163/2

@FakeRyanHarris: I’m going insane watching this.. They need my menacing seamers breaking bats!
@Shortpitched: I see it is Halloween time & Azhar Ali came dressed as 2010. Can’t hit boundaries, can’t score runs, bats for hours gets out in 30s
@hadouken51: If he lived across the border, I can’t even imagine the career and respect this man would have had
@MooreJosh: Alex Doolan would have swallowed that
@Cricket_Fantasy: Rather than trying to bowl Pak out twice, easier option for the Oz bowlers is to go to the airport & take the next flight back home

@SimonCollins74: Does @MClarke23 make bowling changes by saying “You’re up Mitchell” and whoever gets there first is on?
@Mattys123: Switching between #PAKvAUS and the replay of #worldseries game 7 on ESPN, the replay is more exciting than the live cricket
@thetipsguru: I’ve seen these fields on xbox
@justus_beets: I want to put a straw through Younis Khan’s heart,like a capri sun,and drink this guy’s talent. Is that weird?
@TGF174: Clarke may break in half if he bowls here
@byTonyWilson: It’s easy to whinge about doctored pitches reducing Test cricket to a coin toss … So I will

@BaburYaqub: Gautham: “Yes, Siddle is fit as a fiddle! But the biggest riddle? He’s bowling stuff that finds every bat’s middle!”
@melindafarrell: Trying to think of a phrase that has become a cliché faster than ‘funky fields’
@Arjs_Eye: Have not heard a commentator bag out a wicket keeper as much as this since Heals was calling Matty Wade’s last test
@andrew_54: Clarke bowling, Sydney-based chiropractors rejoicing
@justus_beets: Phizer must be lining up Johnson as a spokesman for erectile dysfunction,cause he’s looking real impotent on this pitch

@51allout: Clarke bowling now, #Devereux still on the sidelines. Can someone explain to us again why the hell Maxwell was picked?
@Ian__P: Moments like that remind you not to put the midget [Davey Warner] at first slip
@adam_voigt: Is it just me or is Dean Jones completely full of shit?
@51allout: Clarke seems to be following the Shane Warne school of captaincy; lets just try a bunch of random shit and hope it somehow works

@FOXCricketLive: Well done Younis Khan! His 27th Test ton, and his third in as many innings. LEGEND
@faizanlakhani: Pakistan scored 6 100s v Australia in a span of 9 days. Before this streak, Pakistan’s last 6 100s v Australia came in 3723 days
@itsumairsabir: Younis Khan is 2nd man in history of Cricket to score 100s in 3 consecutive innings vs #Aus
@cricinfo_record: Azhar Ali and Younis Khan are the first ever 3rd wkt pair to hit a double-century stand against Australia on day 1 of a Test match
@FOXCricketLive: That’s STUMPS. Pakistan finishes on 2-304, with Younis 111* and Azhar 101*. Pure dominance by Pakistan


Day 2

@LiebCricket: Can’t wait for the Second Test to start. This First Test replay is getting a bit tired
@17thManDiary: Aussies dissolving into the desert in Abu Dhabi
@AnthonyDique_: Warner is keeping for Australia #ScaryStoriesIn5Words
@worldofBG: My god it’s worked – the gloves have seen Davey hang on to a catch
@mediagag: “Clarke was so funky on Thursday, there were rumours George Clinton called him up and asked for his funk back” – @OsmanSamiuddin
@Cricket_Fantasy: Wish I could wear this Aussie bowling effort for Halloween. #CostumeOfTheSeason

@prat1204: 77 years at the crease for Pakistan
@ICC_DoN3: Misbah takes 9 from Lyon’s over. Aggressive start by the skipper
@FOXCricketLive: 400 up for Pakistan! They reach it after just 120 overs, with three wickets down
@Zaid_Akram: Which of the Mitches pitches the six stitches with the least glitches? #flattrack
@gobbles21: Glenn Maxwell’s bowling is about as scary as an anorexic threatening to eat your dinner…
@LiebCricket: I want to somehow live in a universe where Glenn Maxwell is bowling to Glenn Maxwell. Literally anything could happen

@plalor: Brad the Black Knight Haddin looks like he will keep in the afternoon session. It’s only a flesh wound
@randomswill: The Aussies might need to lob the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch at them this afternoon… #PAKvAUS @montypython
@UnknownUsama: Australia will never come to UAE again
@CRICK3TKI: Eight bowlers in the squad and only 3 wickets for over 400 runs. *sigh*
@Sagar_Dalal: Friday prayers done… Good crowd pouring into AbuDhabi stadium! Heartening!
@Dave_Middleton: Pretty close to a full house in the Zayed Stadium grandstand after lunch, and the locals are loving it
@ibadtariq: Younis Khan has a suspicious batting action
@TowballDan: We should get Peter Siddle to be the infrastructure PM. Whatever he bowls on turns into a road

@hadouken51: – So damn nervous for Younus Khan’s double century. I’m only zoned into his score, we’ve crossed 450 now. The rest is irrelevant
@DoctorFiveball: Haddin reinjures his osteoporosis just by appealing
@Cricket_Froth: Great enthusiasm from Pakistan fans in Abu Dhabi. Grown men jumping with glee waving self-made signs with ‘GO’ written on them!
@AS_Askarii: People who say that test cricket is boring and it is dying should check the crowd in Sheikh Zayed Stadium, Abu Dhabi
@BIGnosestu: Younis Khan was out plumb lbw yesterday but the umpire didn’t give it and the Aussies didn’t review it
@AllOutCricket: 200 for Younis Khan. The man’s in the business of run-making and business is good.

@LiebCricket: Imagine if a wicket fell. I mean, just imagine it
@danieljbrown79: @DennisCricket_ @LiebCricket one will fall shortly after the declaration
@Ev_Fenton: @LiebCricket then Danny Morrison would need to stop his landscaping advice for the ground. Only a matter of time till he gets a reality show
@AndrewGigacz: If anybody Khan, Younis Khan
@Strauchanside: Pakistan this series have lost just 14 wickets for 1222 runs

@Cusqu3na: Somewhere Australia is making India look like a great touring nation
@Felix786: The kids who grew up watching Warnie, loving spin bowling, should be coming through in the next few years, yeah?
@zeShxXx: Younis Khan single handedly destroying the next 5 generations of Australia[n cricket]. WHAT A MAN! WHAT AN AMAZING BATSMAN!
@DionHayman: Well it could be worse. There could be a Third Test
@zuhaibwrites: #Younis comes out to bat. #ScaryStoriesIn5Words

@PuttyMcK: Can the Aussies have an extended tea break so they can pray to buggery to be put out of their misery? #PAKvAUS Goodnite!
@An_ScorpioN: Every time Younis Khan steps into the dressing room, Moin Khan bends down and pretends to find his lost coin
@51allout: Australia to use its influence with the ICC to ensure all future away series against Pakistan are played in Tasmania. In July
@jeremy_jack01: Only took Siddle two days to get someone out who played a shot that you wouldn’t even see in the backyard #bringbackColinMiller
@LiebCricket: Siddle’s obvious hatred of all that is good about Test cricket disgusts me
@cricket_worm: STUMPS, Day-2: Australia are 22-1 & trail by 548 runs. Only wicket for Imran Khan. Earlier Pakistan declare their innings on 570-6


Day 3

@AltCricket: Aussies are are struggling more than Peter Siddle at a barbeque
@RudiEdsall: lyon has faced more balls in this innings than any of the recognised batsmen in the second innings at dubai bar rogers and smith
@sportsbetcomau: Just flicked over to the cricket. Younus Khan isn’t batting. Well that’s a change
@FairDinkumDept: As Australia collapse to their knees in the UAE, in comes The Big Show

@17thManDiary: Time maketh the man. The Big Show cometh like a refurbished steam train. Where does the track go?
@CricketAus: Four to Maxwell and then he comes down the track and goes BIG. He moves along to 23* off just 13 balls. Australia 2-59
@armchairfooty: Maxwell is showing he’s learnt the patience required for a solid Test innings
@stuart_maurice: A great over from maxwell there gaining 14 runs. Another 50 of those and we’re in this gam
@SMAli001: #PAKvAUS G. Maxwell is looking like M. Starc’s lost brother..with a helmet on
@17thManDiary: The Maxi train ran into a stagnant pond. A lot of smoke, heat and steam
@AKBakota: Someone tell Glenn Maxwell the T in T20 doesn’t stand for Test…

@saad_pervez1: Clarke-Lyon partnerships are the biggest threat facing cricket today
@AndrewGigacz: CLARKE AND MARSH looking okay currently but does their anagram describe Australia’s innings so far? DARN! RAMSHACKLE!
@JamesSmith1001: I switched the car radio ti ABC702 to try and catch the cricket but they have some organic and gluten-free guy on at the moment
@rodders05: Clarke is gone…we are doomed!
@DennisCricket_: In keeping with tradition, Australia’s best spinner will retire tonight and Dave Warner will be sacked for texting Misbah
@17thManDiary: Aust trail Younis by 23 runs with 4 wickets in hand

@karachikhatmal: And a day after Halloween, first reports of zombies in Abu Dhabi after a dead pitch comes to life…
@GregGibbo28: In good news for my wife, this Test won’t go for the full five days
@17thManDiary: Don’t panic. Only half the train is over the cliff. Here comes Siddle for his maiden double ton
@MKPS001: Shane Warne bedroom selfies are less offensive to the eyes than this

@danbrettig: The Ashes are what matter, the Ashes are what matter, the Ashes are what matter… repeat ad infinitum
@haaris008: Dear @CricketAus next time kindly send your test team
@obtusian: It’s bad news when Peter Siddle looks more comfortable against spin than the top order. It really frustrates me
@travmarsh8: You know ur struggling when some pom named mergatroid and a kiwi u have never heard of are giving it to u

@bspender: Am I the only Englishman who is quietly enjoying the #PAKvAUS series?
@TGF174: nice shot Sids but calm the fuck down & get Mitch to his hundred
@JamesSmith1001: That awkward moment when the Australian cricket team realises Pakistan is better than England

@Saj_PakPassion: Pakistan’s pace bowlers reversing the ball with ease. Seems the only thing the Aussies have reversed in UAE is their team bus
@MooreJosh: Peter Siddle’s helmet looks like it was constructed using a meccano wrench #flimsy
@khawajaNNInews: #Pakistan is the only non-England Team who have achieved a 1st-inns lead of 300+ runs against Australia more than once – 3 times
@abcgrandstand: BOWLED! Johnson carted for 14 in first over, before bowling Shehzad on sixth ball! Pak 1-14


Day 4

@Dave_Middleton: Nothing, absolutely nothing, has gone Australia’s way this Test series. Younis survives a solid LBW shout on umpire’s call
@Khaizi2392: Get your #Luck stamped by Younis Khan #LuckyChap
@DennisCricket_: Younis Khan can’t play world class leg spin
@rajfederer: Steve smith is jus like a cute puppy who got his little bone stolen…! #Amazinspinner #Entertainer
@SohailAnwer: 6, 6, 4, 6 – that’s vintage Captain Misbah for you. Yes the tuk tuk guy
@ntkingo_1989: Dave Warner just told Misbah that he’s hit longer balls right handed!
@MansoorGeoNews: Some one accidentally switched ON Misbah’s T20 button

@Dave_Middleton: Phillip Hughes owes Mitchell Marsh a drink or two. Allrounder still wicketless on debut after a drop in the gully
@ericbratislava: steve smith is the psychopathic feeder to misbah-ul-haq’s insatiable appetite #manyruns
@rgcricket: Misbah’s innings: 4 1 0 0 1 6 6 4 6 0 2 4 4 0 2 0 3 6 0 0 3. 52* runs off 21 balls!!!
@Maqsood_Network: Misbah-ul-Haq has also become the first ever captain/player to hit TWO HUNDREDS in same Test match at age 40 or over
@pavilionopinion: Maxwell begins his keeping stint unexpectedly conventionally. Thought he would position himself at mid off. Disappointing
@HisbanSpeaks: Is this going to be history two same batsmen scoring consecutive tons in the same test match?

@kbogsportsgod: So Pakistan are taking the piss
@hisBaajaness: Give it up for the God. Misbah scores a 100 off 56 balls. A record that stood for 30 years ! Misbah haters. Eat Poo!
@cricBC: Misbah is that annoying driver on the highway who drives fast in the slow lane and drives slow in the fast lane

@Amazican: Pakistan will move up to the 3rd spot in ICC rankings if the win this test, will move to 4th spot if they draw this test match
@BrettAndersonIF: I’m one of about five people on the planet that thinks Maxwell can be a Test No.3. Give him time
@ZainJalali: Why all Aussies blaming just Maxwell guys come on its a team game , u can’t simply blame just one player
@Deyterkmahjerb: Glenn Maxwell asked by media if he regrets playing reverse sweep in test-saving situation: “I should’ve gone the ramp shot!”

@MickNeven: Great. Now I’m getting heckled by some guy from Pakistan. This is bullshit!

@ali_butt881: I don’t think ‘Tea’ will be enough for the Aussies. A ‘Milo’ break could do some good
@danbrettig: Clarke turned inside out on the crease. Where’d those dancing feet go?
@ahleach: What’s the opposite of a ticker tape parade? Whatever it is they’ve ‘earned’ it
@S4FFY_1: @17thManDiary We need to get him a ‘Why Always Me Shirt’
@Reegs79: Really can’t believe Darren Lehmann didn’t get selected for this series

@AnthonyBitzilis: #disgrace is now trending is Australia

@simonjourno: I love seeing two batsmen donning the baggy green in the middle. The problem is one of them isn’t in the middle for very long
@Alex_Crouch_92: Dear Pakistan, please go easy on Australia. There’s an Ashes series next year and you’re going to make them angry. Yours, England
@DoctorFiveball: Why do I get the feeling that in 20 minutes time we’ll all be hoping Siddle can hit a miracle quadruple century?

@NasirJamshed_: Breaking news – 1) England announce next year Ashes gonna be in UAE! 2)England realise they no have spinner. Back to England
@thedeshman: Ans: Competent players of spin & Nuclear Weapons. Q: What has Pakistan got & not Australia
@drdisco_: Warner always scores when it doesn’t affect the outcome


Day 5

@DennisCricket_: The logic of taking on the fielder when all you need to do is bat all day is clear to all
@katandthat: ball in this innings now resembles one of those crappy net balls that even the non bowlers at our cricket club would refuse to use
@Mattys123: Shit, there goes Mitch, that hurts
@StewPaton: Oh come on! I go to the loo and we drop a wicket! Bloody hell. It’s like they’re watching me

@sportbillysays: All ladies who weigh more than Nathan Lyon’s series bowling average should start singing at the Sheikh Zayed Stadium
@ElishaPearce: Steve Smith is Michael Clarke Lite. Only problem is atm Michael Clarke is batting like Michael Clarke Lactose Intolerant
@Mattys123: Oh shit no, Smith given out [Review]… Nah that’s out, poor bugger
@Skunkie_C: & here I was thinking Ashley Giles with his slow straight arm balls that didn’t spin. He was ahead of his time!
@InnoBystander: Like a blind man driving on a motorway….bye Haddin…
@bettiwettiwoo: I don’t know what they fed AUS for lunch, but let’s avoid that like the plague in the future! Haddin gone for 13
@InnoBystander: Aussies going down faster than the Costa Concordia…

@PrimaBaci: GONE like last weeks pay!

@wutube: Mitchell Johnson plays on for a duck! Yasir Shah gets the wicket. That’s 3 in 13 balls for Australia – 8-238
@AunAnsari: The speed at which ads appear right after a dismissal is the best argument against capitalism
@1877online: I bet the @BLACKCAPS would prefer an upcoming series against Australia right now, rather than Pakistan
@Sagar_Dalal: Don’t worry Aussies, Indians are coming down under to help you with your test rankings!
@fwildecricket: Australia lost 5-8 after lunch to collapse from 238-5 to 246 all out
@danbrettig: Aust lasted 29 minutes after lunch
@HutchisonGeoff: @crashcraddock1 “No Australian team in the history of this game has been treated with this ruthless contempt.”

@HTSportsNews: Pakistan win 2nd Test vs Australia by 356 runs to take their first series victory over #Aus in 20 years
@CricWitness: Dhoni outside Asia: 13 Loses in 25 Tests. Clarke in Asia: 10 Loses in 11 Tests
@sawerapasha: Let’s dedicate this victory to the martyrs of #Wagah & everyone who lost their lives in bid to fight against Terrorism in Pakistan

@lachlanpayne: Well. That didn’t go quite to plan



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