Nov 6 – An Evening of Team Awards
We barely had time to give out awards at the end of the Zimbo excursion, but with two tests played, the UAE tour demanded some more pomp and circumstance – even if we had to wait until the flight home to have a few beers and hand out the gongs. I found the list tonight when I was unpacking – here it is:
The Shimano Tackle Adjustment Award: Trapper looks like holding this award in perpetuity, or until the Selectors drop him and his giant cahunas like a hot potato.
The “Cold Potato” Award: Apples Doolan. It’s a long way to come for one lowsy test and an average of 2.5.
The “Imodium” Award for the Most Runs: Puff again. Can’t play tests, can’t play spin, they said.
The Nearly Made it Award: Junior Junior Marah, whose 87 was deemed closer to a hundred that Trapper’s 97 because it would have been his first.
“I Made it to the End” Award: Plopper was the centre of attention for most of the games, bowling heaps but managing to finish with an eye-gouging average of 140.
Most Wickets: Tatts again, with 6. A reasonable return given the wickets we played on, but the first morning promised much more.
The Racking Them Up Award: The Freak, aka BananaMan. He was not happy to be reminded that this will be the only series where he averages over 100.
The Golden Glove Award: Wicky is usually the sole contestant for this, but Puff and The Big Show had a go after Wicky popped his shoulder. They were both crap, so Wicky still won this one.
The “Let’s Go Reverse” Ball Protector Award: Withheld. No one did this job, and the ball refused to go reverse.
Cold Shoulder Award: Wicky clutched this award to his chest with his arm in a sling.
The Ball Magnet Award: There were 5 players who didn’t take a catch this series – so the award was withheld.
The Best Explanation Award: The Captain, for his post-match interviews. Brutally honest.
The Accidental Tourist Award: Lucky, who was called into the team to cover for Hollywood’s hamstring, but didn’t get a game. The fact that The Big Show got a Test Cap really rubbed salt into this would. Fortunately, he wasn’t around to receive this one – Sarah had arranged for him to be seated in the “kid friendly” section of economy.
The Trying To Show Us Up Award: Younis Khan (in absentia). Show off.
The Least Achieved On Tour Award: This was again awarded to Darren, team psychologist. This might be a little bit unfair, given he nearly sparked an international incident by negotiating Cricket Australia’s support for a rogue cricket-loving Shiehk – but fortunately the whole thing was closed down before too much harm was done. If you see a lot of cricket memorabilia on ebay, quoting postage from Abu Dhabi, you should probably go for it.
The Coach’s Award: Withheld. He wasn’t happy.
The plane flying east leaves only a short time for sleep, so we wound it up early and dosed off. We all want to get home, while The Big Show is desperate to get back into his natural habitat of T20. We’re happy for him to focus on that. [Ed. Some are jealous. I am not: The Prof]