“There was no point playing this game after AB was dismissed” Steyn muttered on his way back to the pavilion. “What is it with these bloody bugs? Who the hell is Tony Abbott anyway? Unless he plays for us he’s nothing. Even if he plays for us he could still be lucky like the batsmen. I hate Canberra.”
Someone was heard to say @hammo04: If AB De Villiers and Meg Lanning had a child cricket would be broken, at the same time as a drunk civil savant yelled something from Othello into the middle. Dave Warner was nearby. He said he didn’t hear anything except bat on ball.
Perhaps two tweets encapsulate this swag of half-arsed whimsy about depair, lost chances, shit shots, rubbish politics, Canberra, and salvation:
@Goonertren: You know when a game is wrapped up when the Aussie commentators stop speaking in a New Zealand accent and revert back to Australian, and from a Canberra Insider
@Mul08: Tahir is trying to buy fireworks at Fyshwick
@epicurean3006: Shane Watson says he is ready to be deputy of the Palmer United Party if he doesn’t become interim ODI or Test captain
@Elsifer_3: Big crowd, good to see working on a Wednesday is optional in Canberra…as expected #CannabisCapital #AUSvSA
@17thManDiary: Warner and The Finch Hitter show Canberra residents how to implement a policy
@followthebounce: It’s a little early for a pounding, but that is what is happening to the Proteas right now. Australia 108/0 after 18 overs
@bowlologist: List of AB Devillers best sporting skills in order batting, fielding, golf, rugby, badminton, hockey, soccor………..bowling
@StDeano1: Runs are coming free and easy in Canberra. As easy as when Kevin Rudd handed out $900 cheques
@troll3y: Oh dear. Canberra just outsold Perth. Times are a-changing. Perth will have to lift its game during the World Cup.
@brydoncoverdale: Glenn Maxwell is the ex-factor – dropped for the 3rd ODI in Canberra
@17thManDiary: Watto giving de Villiers the de Villiers treatment
@brydoncoverdale: I thought it’d be against the laws of physics for AB deVilliers to be able to take the pace off his bowling any more. Apparently not
@CricketAus: An incredible final over and Australia finish with 5-329. Smith unbeaten on 73
@geosupertv: Today 9th time Dale Steyn has gone wicketless after bowling his full quota of 10 overs. Last occasion:v NZ at Potchefstroom 25-1-2013
@Not_Chappelli: Been on Twitter a whole 5 minutes during #AUSvSA and there hasn’t been one De Kock joke #SomeKindOfRecord”
@Ingrid_Rose_SA: Aus commentators could NOT be less enthusiastic about Amla’s 50. I’ve heard noisier Remembrance Day Minute of Silences
@DeenSchroeder: There are more northern white rhinos left in the world than Aborigines. #PureProtea #AUSvSA Win it for the Abo’s!
@sportsbetcomau: Talk about a flat track, a synthetic pitch has more life in it than the deck in Canberra
@CSKian716: Guess its Australia’s strategy to not let ABdV bat
@Elsifer_3: De Kock straight down the throat of Mitch Marsh…too far?
@supergrover4: Finally we get De Kock out and we all run around touching each other
@The_Cricket_Nut: de Kock’s out….. Where’s Jacqui Lambie?
@Cricketbatcat: Looks like SA could’ve gone into this match with just the 3 specialist bowlers & 2 specialist batsmen. And maybe 6 wicket-keepers
@51allout: South Africa romping away with this. Time for Australia to unleash their secret weapon. Let #Devereux captain the rest of the game
@RealRaxa: This pitch in capital Canberra seems as flat as PM Tony Abbott’s politics
@OddscheckerAu: The bearded wonder looks well set, you can get $1.8 on Du Plessis to be the next man out
@Elsifer_3: How can it be the ghost of De Villers before he comes to the crease? More like the fetus of De Villiers, equally creepy
@tpoint1908: I hope the Ranbuild guy builds sheds better than he plays square of the wicket
@TodClarey: Is Dave Warner signing all those kids mini bats with an “X”
@RonSwann76: Should Australia ever become a totalitarian state, Ian Healy will be a shoo-in for propaganda minister
@Former_legend: Smart move by Cricket Australia to take a game to the city that considers Floriade to be an exciting event
@Conks425: I love cricket grounds where you can hear one drunk guy yelling out
@AltCricket: Anyone having same problem? I’m watching #AUSvSA, but my audio seems to be stuck on some pro-Aussie nationalist radio channel?
@sportsbetcomau: Watto bowls much better in deodorant advertisements
@ElliotJCornish: And on the seventh day God made AB de Villiers
@Rabia_Weiss: Running out of ideas to get De Villiers out, George Bailey is believed to be resorting to asking him nicely
@51allout: Australia have finally found Amla’s weakness. Nick his toilet paper
@GamblerFalls: I’m sure ABdV is delighted to be able to play a “Steve Smith type innings”
@LiebCricket: The extent to which AB de Villiers is effortlessly taking the piss here is pretty unsportsmanlike, really
@T_canFrost: Wish AB was my dad
@hammo04: If AB De Villiers and Meg Lanning had a child cricket would be broken
@BillyBeehag: Nothing worse than running in with a big moth in the back of your throat – Brett Lee
@justus_beets: Plan A and B is out
@Ingrid_Rose_SA: Shocking decision. That was going so far down leg, the ball actually just ended up in my living room
@CamGrumpy: Miller given out!! Aussie umpire!! A blind man on a galloping horse would have seen that ball missing leg stump!!
@Goonertren: You know when a game is wrapped up when the Aussie commentators stop speaking in a New Zealand accent and revert back to Australian. #AUSvSA
@steve_l15: Steyn removed
@josephryan79: Yo, Canberra, what’s with all the bugs?
@StewPaton: If moths love light so much, why don’t they just get up during the day? #AUSvSA (stolen from @stephenfry)
@GrumpyPigeon: More bugs at the cricket than there is in Indonesian phones
@Mul08: Tahir is trying to buy fireworks at Fyshwick
@SkiPoss: Why not partner a batsman with a bowler so you have someone that can make runs still available toward end
@crickettragic33: Oh well then. We won[Ed. Smashed ’em actually!]