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Tweeting through England V NZ

Even if I say so myself, I’ve been tweeting up a storm through the balmy English spring as New Zealand and England arm-wrestled to a 1-1 series draw. If it hadn’t been for England’s effort on Day 4 at Lords, they’d have lost this 2-zip for sure.

Here’s a selection of twitter fun.

May 18

@17thManDiary: Well dressed hounds smelling the flotsam of English cricket as KP jumps ship to the IPL

@17thManDiary: @KP24 Strauss in a ‘this is the sweetest irony of all’ pose answering the What If question about Kevin

@17thManDiary: @KP24 Strauss telling the world he doesn’t trust KP… and salivating over every word…

@17thManDiary: @KP24 The team can’t bat or bowl but I’ll start by excluding a batsmen who scores 355no #strausslogic

@17thManDiary: Whilst English fans are falling out of love with Losing, English cricket administrators feel that old horse isn’t done yet #strausslogic

May 22

@17thManDiary: RT AndyGilder I’ve seen letters from @georgegalloway solicitors more threatening than Ben Stokes #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: England slips cordon look lovely and neat in their sweaters #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: The problem with Ian Bell is that he is missing Kevin Pietersen. Batting with Ballance is no reward #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: England being obsessed with the Ashes is like a blind man staring over a cliff #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: RT FlossFewclothes Were England’s bowlers doing some sort of Mean Girls thing, clapping the NZ batsmen from the ground? #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: Gillespie to Strauss:”Do you fear God?”

Strauss:”Not since I retired KP”

Gillespie:”Do you fear winning?”

Strauss:”Most summers”


@17thManDiary: ENG off to grab their protein shakes and a quinoa salad. The ball is off to get a shampoo and set #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: I’m off to find a decent KP tweet #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: Can’t believe Cook caught a no ball. No one can believe it #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: Wood bowling at 92kms. If he bowled behind the crease it would be 75kms #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: Keep it tight one end and bring on Jimmy to keep it loose the other end. Give NZ a chance #cooklogic #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: Wood looks good, but NZ are pretty good wood choppers #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: RT @plalor Good on Mark Wood for daring to do the crazy pavement run up. Wacky or what? #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: I’m sure there are a few Leicestershire bowlers on the field for England #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: RT@nickbewley There’s no better way to clear a lounge full of chicks than putting #ENGvNZ on.

@17thManDiary: @Jimmy Broad doing what is natural – wasting the new ball. But hey, who cares! #Strausslogic #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: “Four top order test grade batsmen to play Test Cricket for England. Six month contract. Money no object. Immediate start” Waitrose

@17thManDiary: It’s lucky ENG cricket has a middle order because their top order continues to rot (pun intended) #ENGvNZ

May 23

@17thManDiary: Lord’s rain is an encouraging sign for England. Rain brings the chance to talk about faith rather than the score: 404/4 #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: RT @AllOutCricket: Day two at Lord’s belonged to New Zealand, despite England’s best efforts.… #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: RT @pavilionopinion: Credit to the ECB. They couldn’t have made this Test any tastier if they’d drizzled it in honey mustard.

@17thManDiary: RT @AllOutCricket: England “gave the haters just enough rope to continue hating”,

@17thManDiary: Without KP there are no oligarchs to take down the kleptocratic authoritarians in the ECB. ‘Mediocrity is good’ #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: I thought NZ had a Good Day with 303/2, then I remembered they did it in 77 overs. #ENGvNZ. Best day eva, bro.

@17thManDiary: England bowlers fail on Day 2. But there is hope. Rain can still play a part #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: I laughed when I saw this NZ 303/2 – another rifle shot through the bowels of English cricket. I must find that KP tweet #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: @johns_matthew if Alastair Cook was a detective I’d take to crime never to be caught #ENGvNZ

May 24

@17thManDiary: Kevin Pietersen: “The sociologist who solves the problem of the English top four will earn the Nobel Peace Prize” #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: The prospects of a decent English collapse are more tantalising than a hot chocolate pudding #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: RT @ the_sillypoint Lord Bell gone third ball. #engvnz

@17thManDiary: Jimmy Anderson says he won’t go missing on Day 4 #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: My vote goes to staging an AUSvNZ Ashes Series in England. England can play Bangladesh in Bangladesh, no offence to the Bangas. #ENGvNZ

May 25

@17thManDiary: Kiwis’ big mistake on Day 4 – not entering Eurovision, #EngvNZ

@17thManDiary: NZ lulling England into a false sense of security on Day 4 #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: A fairer day for England has not been sighted in a good while. Lords is a gentle polite ground after all for a Cook and Stoker #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: England hoping to do better than their Eurovision entry, which was as badly judged as Stokes’ leave. #engvnz

@17thManDiary: McCullum brings his fielders in a couple of inches. The ball is falling short today methinks #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: RT@TheMiddleStump The greek economy has more chance of being saved thn this Test match. #ENGvNZ

May 26

@17thManDiary: @JomaCooper Ahhhh. Journalists. The cheap harlots of fiction writing!

@17thManDiary: England’s luxury. Verbs and Nouns a plenty: Rooted Cook regains his Ballance. The Bell tolls for Kevin. Strauss plays the violin. #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: The Prof and I are in Barbados writing again. “Is England overrated?” “Rerating the derating of the pre-WC overrating is tricky” #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: “Cricket is a funny game, ain’t it Brendan”

“Some gags aren’t funny Alastair”

“What about me?”

“What’s your name?”


“Who?” #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: Shades of AUSvIND last summer in Australia. “Look Dad! A five day Test Match! I know son, rarer than Halley’s” .#ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: Kevin Pietersen: “Great cricket by two underrated sides” #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: What’s worse. NZ winning or wasting a few overs to get a face-washing draw. Oh, wait. It’s England. Declaring is rare. #ENGvNZ

May 27

@17thManDiary: Trevor Bayliss is no wet nurse. As English fans say, they want a team who will win… often. Reinstate he who shall not be named #ENGvNZ

May 29

@17thManDiary: NZ batsmen are resilient. They all know how to bat the shine off the new ball #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: The Burnley Express is good, yet not quite as fast as the Greendale Rocket #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: Anderson apologists venture into the open like snails after a shower. Fun to watch! #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: 2/2. NZ batting brings a new meaning to mean reversion #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: Dear Trevor, Some spare assets from my classroom. Alastair loved sitting in the front row. Cheers, PM. #ENGvNZ

May 30

@17thManDiary: Who is Luke Ronchi? Simple. Dave Warner wearing a Ronchi mask and a smaller protector. #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: Charlie Hebdo leads with “Blatter swing has killed test cricket” amid violent scenes in Paris. #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: BREAKING: Strauss rejects French President’s offer to complete Headingley test at Roland Garros. #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: The good new is that England received 8 wickets in a NZ lottery amidst 297 runs off 67 overs #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: De Villiers: “England leaking runs faster than the overflow at Victoria Falls” #ENGvNZ

@17thManDiary: But for the fact that NZ throw away wickets playing a one day game, England would have had a bad day in Yorkshire #ENGvNZ

If you love my take on twitter, you’ll love 10 Ashes Tests in Tweets.  Get your free copy here.

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