Friday, December 6, 2019
Home » Ashes 2015 » July 23 – Aust v Derbyshire – Day 1

July 23 – Aust v Derbyshire – Day 1

A15 pork-piesAs if we didn’t have enough practice against second rate bowlers at Lord’s [Ed. Don’t get too cocky!] Derby withdrew their only bowler who is even close to England selection and foottit-ed him off to the England camp in Spain for no reason in particular. England seem to think that all this messing about really matters – they just need to play, and if you’re Jimmy Anderson, stop running on the wicket. In any case, it left an attack of modest pie-throwers to entertain Puff and Junior Marsh through a rapid fire opening partnership. After feasting on the pies on offer, they each retired “bored” on 101.

Sir Captain and Adam&Eve didn’t get the time they needed in the middle, which is a worry, but Junior Junior Marsh and someone who used to be the team’s allrounder [Ed Hollywood who? I hear he has nice pec’s] both scored 50s.

We got to 9/413 off the 90 overs, with the hosts sharing the bowling around to make sure none of them scored a hundred.

Sarah (Head of Marketing) has gone into full swing now that retaining the Ashes looks more likely than it did after Cardiff.  This means she’s working in building a portfolio of memorabilia to market to and through Channel 9 to the punters whose pool rooms are full of stuff signed by players over the years.  There isn’t a moment’s peace, she’s always waving something in front of our noses getting us to sign it. At one stage I asked her if the fumes from the Sharpie permanent markers were on the prohibited substance register – she had to stop and think about it, before confidently declaring that they were “exempt”.

Today, I signed:

  • The 2015 Australian Ashes Winning Team Bat, Team Ball, Team Hat, Team Shirt, Team Box [Ed. the moind boggles], Team Helmet and Team Beach Towel. [Ed. ?? For the Aussie summer, I guess]
  • A bunch of posters featuring a photoshopped image of us in a helicopter with Bronwyn Bishop. [Ed. I suppose every niche needs to be served.]
  • Three cartons of green and gold baby rompers. [Ed. With so many of the team “with child”, there is some genuine brand identification possible there.]
  • A little wind up figurine of myself that, when let loose, fidgets around like Trapper Smith does at the crease. I can’t imagine that they’ll sell anywhere near the ten I signed, but Trapper, who’s not playing and was therefore relentlessly pressed into service by Sarah, could well sell out of the 100 he signed.

The Prof and I are putting our minds to inventing some more interesting memorabilia, with a view to topping up the Players’ Pension Fund No.9 with some extra income if we can successfully skirt the copyright, trade mark, defamation and Cricket Australia policy issues that are at play.

We’ll keep you posted.


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