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Nov 21 – Pink Parts 1 and 2

Pink Part 1

colour-blindIt seems that in the rush to bolster the batting line up [Ed. A rush that didn’t involve calling up the more mature pair of The 17th Man (NSW) or The Prof (QLD)] the selectors conveniently forgot that the new/old Wicky is colour-blind. [Ed. And that he can’t catch.]

Cricket fans will remember that one of the reasons UnLucky Rogers retired was the implied demand of the program that he open the batting against the pink ball in the evening at Adelaide, and that as a colour blind person he felt he couldn’t do it because he wouldn’t be able to see the ball. [Ed. At least he would have had a excuse. Anyone seen the “highlights” from Hobart?]

We’ll see how Wicky goes. Coach2.0 has taken to throwing something pink at him at all hours of the day and night to get him atuned to the moving pink object, and Wicky seems to be getting the hang of it – although he has been hit in the face by a barby doll, a scoop of strawberry icecream and a copy of Missundaztood. 

Pink Part 2

LollyGate has been buzzing around this week. The Proteas’ security guards have clearly been eating too many lollies as well as they seem to be a little wired whenever a Channel 9 News reporter wants to ask Faf a simple question, like whether he prefers the products of Allen’s or The Natural Confectionary Company.

“Found guilty, fined, but free to play?” said The Prof. “Happy with that outcome?”

“Not sure,” I said. “Faf is appealing the verdict, the fine and the demerit points that mean if he’s out of line by an inch he’ll miss a game.”

“Shouldn’t he just take the medicine? Me thinks he protesteth too much.”

“I hear cough medicine is great for the ball, by the way, but hard to conceal.”

pink-teeth“Hey, try this.” The Prof threw me a set of lolly teeth. “Put them in. Great sugar content and won’t be as suspicious on the TV broadcast.”

I tried to say “It will only work for the private school graduates who have perfect teeth,” but it was hard to speak. I solved that problem by spitting it out. “These are truly awful.”

“I’ve got 12 kg of them being made, and delivered to Faf at their team hotel. A copy of the invoice will – somehow – fall into the hands of that Channel 9 reporter.”

“Brilliant.”

“They’re biltong flavoured too, just to remove any doubt about the connection.”

“Eww.  I think I’ll stick to Juicy Fruit, thanks.”

“I’ll stick to those XXXX mints I got from Jimmy Anderson. They are the bomb.”

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