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Nov 28 – Third Test – Day 5

The red ball game is over for now. The white ball game is on. Coach2.0 told us all no one is being rested. Just suck it up and get on with it he said. That’s understandable – we all had headaches after a big night out.

There is only one question left to answer. What will the Selectors do? Will anyone be dropped to make way for anyone who was ‘dropped’. After all, most weren’t dropped officially. They were simply injured and unavailable. How convenient.

The Labour Party want more minority and GLBTQI representation in the national team to better reflect racial diversity and union membership. Nick Xylophone has floated a quota system but said he would settle for a multi-year defence contract to build something that doesn’t work, or a billion dollar sub [Ed. That’s short for submarine not subsidy. We don’t build cars anymore] for SA cricket.

So I put together 5 reasons to slam the door shut on this mess and move on:

1. Junior Marsh – More in and outs than a street worker in a Friday night. Plagued by lower back problems. Left-handed. [Ed. Brendan Julien and Justin Langer can get stuffed.] OUT.

2. Junior Junior Marsh – In and out more times than a merchant banker on a Friday night. Not a bowler or a batsman. A Marsh. [Ed. Brendan Julien and Justin Langer can get stuffed.] OUT.

3. The Freak. Good breakfast companion. Doesn’t slurp his chai latte. Big banana account with Queensland which gives him dual citizenship. Likes Indian food. IN.

4. Adam&Eve. When you are that old space junk can strike at any time just like a ball on the noggin. Only good for home games. Bad luck. [Ed. Justin Langer can get stuffed.] OUT.

5. The Earl of Nevill. Never starred in a Western. No grit. Can’t sledge. Eyes too far apart for a Wicky. OUT.

A friend once captured the neighbour’s cat who had taken to hissing at him on his daily walk. He blindfolded the cat and took it for a ride, as a community service. He dropped it off somewhere one night and drove away with his lights off very pleased with himself. Problem solved he told his wife. A week later he saw the cat lounging on the neighbour’s lawn. The cat smiled. At first he was surprised. Cats can’t smile. The cat held up a sign. “You dropped me next to a Vet. How thoughtful” He hissed at the cat and chased it with a garden hose. One day he arrived home. His wife was unusually chirpy. She had bought a dog, a big dog who likes chasing cats.

The Prof put a boot-sized hole in the Selector’s door and called it a cat flap. It is a bit spiky round the edges but good enough to admit a cat. Some cats always manage to find their way home.

If you understand this, call Trevor. He is looking for a Selector for the white ball, pink ball, red ball white ball fiasco (paraphrasing Coach2.0) that is this summer’s official warm up act for the BBL. The BBL brings every stray cat home.


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