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Dec 3 – The Big No Show

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Some people just don’t get it. In the wake of the loud-mouth Wicky from Victoria making it back into the Test side on the strength of his batting and ornery on-field persona, someone who shall remain nameless wish they’d made it back also [Ed. The Big Show] seem to think they have been hardly done by while batting at six in the state comp. Yep, Wicky as Captain of VIC put himself at #5 and has built HIS case to get recalled. There’s got to be some privileges for taking on the thankless task of being a State Captain.

As for The Big Show not being able to launch a bid for Test recall while batting at No 6, the easy solution is to score a shed load of runs in the long form of the game. [Ed. As Coach has said publicly as well as in a rather heated phone call we all overheard last night] Making the highlights reel from a T20 game doesn’t cut the mustard, just like his angled bat.

Just to be clear, here’s the Top 7 reasons The Bog Show isn’t in the Test team:

  1. A reverse sweep looks terrible when played in whites.
  2. Hipster beards aren’t welcome.
  3. Being able to score runs even faster than we already do will lead to less ticket sales and a collapse in the financial viability of Test Cricket globally.
  4. We don’t need another straight-break bowler in the team.
  5. He’s a shit bloke. [Ed. Allegedly]
  6. He’s got less money to shout at the bar after copping a hefty fine for shooting his mouth off. Non-contributors are not welcome in the inner sanctum.
  7. NOT ENOUGH RUNS!

Anyway, things could be tense in the dressing room of tomorrow’s ODI, and that won’t be just because of how pointless the series is. Alway’s one to poor calming oil on troubled waters [Ed. Not a very environmentally sound concept these days], The Prof drew up a batting order in the Captain’s handwriting with Wicky batting at 8 and The Big Show at 9, and left it lying around at training this afternoon.

Neither of them were looking too happy at dinner, and they certainly weren’t sitting at the same table.

 

 

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