Thursday, November 14, 2019
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Ashes 2015

July 9 – First Test – Day 2

Captain Cook stood with his legs apart next to his chair at the end of day meeting for team England. He couldn’t sit on his bruised testicles – that was why he had returned to the field. Standing up was simply less painful. He looked out to the smiling faces of his team. They had performed well enough to control ...

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Jul 8 – First Test – Day 1

To say the First Day of the First Test did not go to plan would be an understatement. At this stage, no one is willing to own up to having had the bright idea that we should travel to the ground by barge on the River Taff. No one knows if it was supposed to instil serenity, confidence or nautical ...

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July 7 – First Test Eve

It’s the day before the First Test and tension is high in the camp. There are a number of wide open selection situations, although there is not going to be a true roughie call up like there was with The Kid two¬†years ago. The options are known, just not the choices. Will there be one or two Junior Marshes, will ...

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July 6 – Meeting Prince Charles

Sarah handed out the Code of Conduct in preparation for the visit of the Prince of Wales on the Sofia Gardens pitch at 11am: Rule 1: Address him as His Royal Highness. Do not call him Tampon Charlie unless he asks for an example of a good sledge Rule 2: Mention Root in every answer. Using a wig as a ...

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July 5 – The Crown v The Rhino

The Freak, who I am rooming with in Cardiff, shook me awake in the dead of night. It scared the devil from me faster than the old rector at evensong last night. Leaning over someone in a deep sleep can do that. My reaction was so violent that The Freak had to cup his hand over my mouth, so he ...

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